


Hold On

by WingsforWinter



Series: 30 Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Porn, Bottom Castiel, Drug Trip-Freeform, Dubious Consent, Endverse Castiel Characterization, Established Relationship, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Pollen, Top Dean, kinda not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:02:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1549805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsforWinter/pseuds/WingsforWinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas comes home high as a kite on a mystery drug.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops, I lied. This one was SUPPOSED to be finished yesterday, but shit happens. Next time I miss a deadline you have my permission to burn my village to the ground. That'll show me. 
> 
> [30 Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge](http://ghiraher.tumblr.com/post/37135733342/30-day-cheesy-tropes-challenge)
> 
> Day 8: Sex Pollen
> 
> I'm really playing fast and loose with this one guys (a.k.a. pretty much disregarding the prompt entirely). Bear with me!

 

 

 

Dean jolted awake when he heard the door to the apartment slam open. Castiel better not have dented the wall with the doorknob or he’d be even more pissed than he was now. Dean looked over at the clock on the bedside table. 3:17 in the fucking morning.

 

Dean flipped over onto his side so that he faced away from the door. If Cas was brave enough to try and sleep in their bed, he’d get nothing but the coldest of shoulders from Dean. Not a minute later, the asshole himself stumbled in. Dean felt the bed dip and a warm hand grasp at his shoulder.

 

“Dean. Babe wake up.” Cas gave him a little shake and he rolled his eyes. Dean could smell the club on him; sweat and stale beer and desperation.

 

Dean pretended to be asleep, though he knew Cas knew he was awake. He’d always been a light sleeper. Cas’s hand ghosted over his skin, moving down his arm and then on to his chest. He kept perfectly still when Cas rubbed his sensitive nipple and moved down, circling his belly button with a fingertip, running his palm across the front of Dean’s boxers. It wasn’t till he tried to slip his hand inside that Dean spoke up.

 

“Get off, Cas.” He growled, pulling the hand out from his underwear and tossing it away from him. It was back a second later, resting on his arm again.

 

“Oh c’mon babe, don’t be like that.” Cas chuckled and started rubbing little circles into his skin. Dean flung the hand away again.

 

“I’m fucking serious, Cas. Stop fucking touching me.” Typical. Just fucking typical that Cas would pretend like he didn’t walk out on their argument and not pick up his phone for five fucking hours. Dean was not going to cave this time.

 

“Aren’t you happy to see me? I’m happy to see you. I’m always happy to see you.” Cas ran his fingers up the back of his neck and over his ear, onto his cheek. “Woah. I can feel your freckles I think.”

 

Dean flung the covers back and flicked on the bedside lamp. Sure enough, Cas’s pupils were _huge_. Anger and bitter disappointment burned low in Dean’s gut.

 

“You came home _high?!_ ” Dean snarled, shoving Castiel back when he tried to touch him again. Cas’s hands traveled to his own face, rubbing at the stubble on his cheeks.

 

“Only a little.” He chuckled again, eyes fluttering shut.

 

Dean felt sick to his stomach. Six months Cas had been sober. Since they first moved in together, and now after one stupid fucking argument…

 

“Get out.”

 

Cas’s eyes flew open at that, and he swayed closer. “You don’t mean that.” He still looked blissed out, smug even, and Dean hated it.

 

“Yes I fucking do. Get. Out.” Dean pointed at the door. The smugness started to drain from Castiel’s face. Good.

 

“But I came home.” Cas was still swaying back and forth, a light sweat breaking out on his face.

 

“Like that makes it any better! You’re fucking _high_ , Cas, and its 3:30 in the fucking morning and I have to get up early for class tomorrow so get the fuck out!”

 

“But I need you.” Sweat was beading on his forehead now, and Dean was starting to get worried. Cas’s hands hadn’t stopped moving. He was running his fingers through his hair and over his face and back again, over and over.

 

“What did you even take?”

 

Cas’s hands moved down his chest to the front of his jeans. “Umm… They called it ‘Sex Pollen.’ I think she said it had MDMA in it.” He started stroking himself through the denim, a too-wide smile stretching across his face. “Worked faster than I thought it would. Started getting horny. Had to come home.”

 

“Oh, that’s real nice Cas. Come home to the easy lay, that it? Shoulda just fucked somebody else while you were out, if you didn’t already, ‘cuz I’ll be god damned if I’ll let you fuck me tonight.”

 

Dean could practically see the effect his words were having on Cas fighting with the apparently blissed feeling the drug gave him. “I didn’t… I would never, Dean. I didn’t want anyone else. Wanted you. Need you.”

 

“Well you shoulda fucking thought about that before, asshole! I hope whatever you're feeling now is worth the six months you just flushed down the drain. God, Cas, I’m so fucking mad at you.”

 

Dean sat back and put his head in his hands. Flashbacks from before flitted across his mind. Finding Cas high as a fucking kite and unconscious in strange places, sometimes in a puddle of his own vomit. Bringing him to rehab over and over just to have Cas check himself out again. Being scared to death that he was going to end up in jail or overdose or wind up with AIDs. For the first time in years he had been clean and sober and things were going so well. Dean should have known it would never last. Good things don’t just happen. Not to Dean, anyway. A whimper made Dean look up.

 

Cas’s eyes were flickering back and forth as if he was seeing things. He brought his hands back up but instead of petting himself, he fisted his hands in his hair and pulled, rocking more wildly than before. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean it. I promise I’ll never do it again. Never again.”

 

All things Dean had heard before, and stupidly believed this time around.

 

“I don’t want your ‘sorry’s, Cas, I want you to leave!”

 

Cas choked back a sob and shot forward, wrapping his arms around Dean almost painfully tight. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He peppered the side of Dean’s face with sloppy kisses as Dean struggled to loosen Cas’s hold. “I need you, Dean. I feel like I’m going to die if you don’t fuck me. Please. I’ll bottom. I’ll leave right after. I promise.” Castiel almost never bottomed. He must be really desperate. Dean could feel the hard line of his erection pressing against his stomach. He tried to shake him off, but Castiel clung to him like a lifeline.

 

The more Dean struggled, the tighter Castiel’s hold got on him, until he was raging in the circle of Cas’s arms. “ _Get the fuck off of me!_ ” Dean hissed. He didn’t want to hurt Cas, but if he didn’t let him go, he was going to start freaking out.

 

“I need this. Just one last time. _Please_ , Dean. I’m begging you.” Cas’s whole body was shuddering around him, and he was so hot. Too hot. Dean’s neck was damp where Castiel pressed his forehead to it. Dean’s blood ran cold.

 

“This is what you want? Fine. But you better leave right after.” Dean just wanted space for the night but if Castiel wanted to break up, then fucking fine. Might as well get breakup sex out of it.

 

Castiel finally loosened his hold, and Dean pushed him forcefully onto his back. He rummaged in the bedside table for lube and the condoms that they hadn’t needed in months. Cas had been remarkably clean before. There was no way Dean was going to assume he still was. He stripped quickly, turning away as Cas did the same.

 

Cas watched him with half lidded eyes as he tried to jerk himself to hardness, but it wasn’t working. There were so many emotions running through him that he couldn’t imagine how he was going to get it up. He was contemplating telling Cas he’d bottom so they could just get this shitshow over with when the man in question pulled him down beside him.

 

In a heartbeat, Cas slid down his body and took his flaccid cock into his mouth. He stroked and sucked and laved with his tongue until the stimulation outweighed Dean’s chaotic thoughts. Dean rolled the condom on, despite Cas’s look of reproach, and thrust the lube at the other man.

 

Instead of opening himself up, Cas squeezed the lube onto his hand and used it to slick Dean’s cock. He positioned himself over Dean and was about to push down when Dean stopped him.

 

“Wait, wait, wait. You're not even gonna prep?”

 

Cas was already panting and wild-eyed, and he hadn’t even touched himself since he struggled out of his clothes. “No time. Need it now.”

 

He didn’t care how mad at Castiel he was, that would hurt the other man too much for Dean to get any enjoyment out of it. He grabbed the lube and slicked up his fingers, ignoring Castiel’s protest as he thrust a finger past Castiel’s rim. He worked a second finger in, and then a third before Cas pushed his hand away.

 

Cas sank onto Dean with a groan of relief. He stilled when his ass hit Dean’s thighs, but not for very long. He set up a rhythm that Dean couldn’t hope to follow, bouncing and rolling his hips intermittently without a pattern.

 

Dean tried to get in to it, but all he kept thinking is that this might actually be the end. The culmination of two years of struggle and heartbreak after heartbreak to finally make it to six months of bliss, all thrown away over a stupid fight that Dean couldn’t even remember the reason for anymore. He was so angry he could cry.

 

He loved Castiel with everything he had, and apparently it still wasn’t enough. He reached up and gripped Castiel around the waist, pulling him close so he could roll them over without separating. He grabbed the other man’s wrists and held them above his head as he started slamming in to Castiel in earnest, thrusting so hard they both started moving up the bed.

 

Castiel, always so quiet during sex, was making breathy little moans that under any other circumstances would have had Dean so turned on he wouldn’t be able to see straight. His pupils were still so dilated that they may as well have been all black, and Dean missed the stormy blue so fiercely he was dizzy from it.

 

“I hate you.” He snarled at the man below him.

 

“I know.” Cas whispered back. “Me too.” He came untouched moments later, arching his back and crying out. He tried to drag Dean down for a kiss, but Dean refused.

 

He continued to piston in and out of Castiel for a few minutes, but he wasn’t getting any closer to release. Tears formed in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks before he could wipe them away. His hips stuttered and stilled as he choked back a sob.

 

Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled, and this time he was too weak to resist. He fell onto Cas’s chest and let himself be held.

 

“ _Why_ , Cas? We were doing so good.” Dean looked up through tear-blurred eyes. Castiel must have been coming down from whatever he was on and he looked just as broken as Dean felt inside.

 

“I know. I fucked up. I kept telling myself I was going to, that it was only a matter of time before I fell off the wagon, and I guess it turned unto a self-fulfilling prophecy. God, I’m so sorry Dean. I never wanted to hurt you again.” Castiel rolled them again and started rocking down onto Dean, riding him gently, arms still wrapped around Dean’s shoulders.

 

Dean’s whole body shook with repressed sobs, but when Cas leaned down to kiss him, he let go. He wrapped his arms around his best friend and lover and held tight as his breath hitched and tears streamed down his face. He came almost as an afterthought, Cas’s lips pressed against his cheek.

 

Cas held him until he was too soft to stay inside his body anymore, grabbing tissues to clean them up after lifting himself off. After he was done, he got up to leave like he said he would, but Dean’s hand circled his wrist like a manacle.

 

“Don’t go, Cas. Please.” Dean’s voice cracked. “We made it through worse. We can get past this. I know we can. Please don’t go. I need you.”

 

Cas’s face crumpled. “No, Dean. You really don’t.” But he lay down beside him anyway. Dean pressed as close as he could, holding on to Cas like he was going to change his mind and leave anyway.

 

Before he drifted off, he heard Cas whisper an ‘I love you’ and he returned it without hesitation, because no matter what happened when they woke up, or next week, or six months down the line, that was one thing that would never change.

 

They would weather this storm, like all the others, and come out the other side stronger than before. Dean was sure of it.

 

All they had to do is hold on.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about all that angst, but tomorrow's prompt is Matching Soulmate Markings so expect fluff galore.


End file.
